The Note
by PandaBlades
Summary: Amethyst has left a note. Pearl won't let go once she reads it.
1. Discovery

Dear everyone,

I'm so sorry that it's come to this. I just couldn't deal with these

feelings anymore. I've tried everything to keep them under control. And nothing is working anymore.

I've lost all hope. Please, let me go and don't feel sad. It's better this way.

I love all of you.

Garnet, keep them close and never let go.

Pearl, I love you. I mean, I'm in love with you.

Steven, no matter what happens, keep them and yourself happy. It's what everyone deserves.

With love and regret,

Amethyst

Pearl couldn't believe what she had just read. Amethyst...Amethyst. "Amethyst! No! Garnet! Garnet, we have to find Amethyst! We have to find her now!"


	2. Apology

In the end, it was Pearl who found her note, and would find her still living. She was standing on top of the lighthouse on top of the cliff overlooking the temple.

"Pearl?! What are you doing here?" she yelled at the woman standing opposite her.  
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here, Amethyst!? You can't leave us!" the pale gem yelled.

Amethyst replied, "Yes I can Pearl, and I will. Goodbye Pearl," the purple gem held out her arms, and leaned forward on the railing- only to find herself rolling on the floor wrapped in her beloveds' arms.

Pearl was sobbing,"Why?! Why can't you talk to us? We will always be there for you! We will always listen!  
I will always listen and be there for you!" Amethyst didn't know what to say.

She wasn't looking at pearl, her attention drawn to the lines she had made on her arm. They stung where Pearl was holding her wrist down. Pearl noticed. She was horrified, worried, confused, hurt, and so many other things, but above all, she was concerned.

"A-Amethyst, are t-those what I-I think they a-are?" she asked as she stumbled over her words. "Yes."

"Why? Why would you do that?" she whispered to her, tears once more falling. Amethyst was crying as well. "Because I was numb. I was numb for so long that pain was my only outlet to feeling. Are you mad at me?" she confessed.

Pearl couldn't take her eyes off of Amethyst's wrist but she knew the answer. She could never be angry or mad at Amethyst. Frustrated yes, worried for, fearful for and of, and jealous even, but _never_ mad or angry.

"No, no, I never could be mad at you, Amethyst. I-I love you too much." Pearl had a deep blush as she spoke but Amethyst wasn't paying any attention to that. _She…loves me? She loves me! She actually loves me!_ Amethysts eyes welled with tears until they flowed down her plump cheeks. She threw her arms over the thin woman and held her tight as she sobbed into her shoulder.

"Shhh, shh it'll be alright. We'll get through this. It'll be okay. You'll be okay, I promise."

"I'm so-so sorry P-Pearl! Please don't let me go!" Pearl just held on tighter. 


	3. Recovery

Amethyst had been what Pearl had been calling...recovery for a while now. They had told Garnet, Greg, Vidalia, and Steven. Not about what had almost happened, but what had been made because of it. Pearl and Amethyst had fallen in love. Although Amethyst had wanted to fuse the second Pearl had found her, Pearl had wanted her to feel better before they did. And so, it was declared, Amethyst had to always have someone around, and they had to take everything she could have used to hurt her body or her gem. She hadn't actually thought of dying in a long time. Out of everyone Pearl was the happiest to hear that, of course.

Within a few weeks, she didn't have to have someone always around.

She could go where she pleased for as long as she wanted. Which, in retrospect, was a terrible idea.

Because she could go anywhere, she would find things. Mainly coins.

Steven always went to the Big Donut for her because she had no money.

Well now she did, and she wanted a jelly. She had walked the way with her head always turning, hoping she wasn't lost. Eventually she found it and went inside. There, she found a tall lanky teen with a constant scowl. And next to him was a short, blonde girl that seemed much more friendly. She asked her for the jelly donut. When the tall boy got it and wrapped it up for her, she caught sight of his scars. He wore long sleeves, but they were pushed up some. There were long, thin scars that ran vertical to his arm all the way down both arms.

When the girl asked her the money, Amethyst gave her all of it and ran out the door with the bag. She was breathing heavy, panicing. She ran and ran and ran all the way back to her room in the temple.

There, it was quiet, empty. And she still felt trapped.

The temple was empty. Steven and the others were on a mission and would be most of the day. She still felt awful and knew what would make her feel better. She both hated and loved doing it. The sharp, instant pain of a cut, followed by the cool, soothing release she felt whenever there were enough to finally make it all go away.

For her, cutting had no special rules. Sure, Pearl had read up on it, memorized hundreds of facts, devoured articles and papers on it. Some people had rituals, or rules they followed. Some had music, some had total silence. Some had specific places, like their room, the bathroom, whatever.

Amethyst did not.

For her, cutting was when she needed it, how she needed it, and where she needed it.  
She didn't know why seeing those boys' scars had affected her like this but she didn't care she needed a relese she needed her blades she needed to cut she-. Suddenly, Amethyst was holding one of Pearls' daggers. It was long and narrow- a stiletto, Pearl had once told her, back when R-. No. She would not think of her. She was gone and she was never coming back. Steven was here and he was all anyone needed.

And so, she had sat down, hidden from site in one of the Slinkers tunnels she had found months ago. She unsheathed the blade. It was thinner than she had thought but sharper too. She was grateful to Pearl for it. A dull blade bit shallower, only cutting deep enough for the sting but no blood. Of course, Amethyst had no blood.  
But it didn't stop her from trying.

No, it made her try harder, pressing it harder, deeper. To the point where had she gone just a little further, she'd have poofed. And maybe that was what she wanted. The gem equivalent of death. But humans didn't come back from death. For gems, the only way to stay gone, was to shatter their gem. And she didn't think she could do that to anyone. Sure she'll cut and cut and cut, but she wouldn't shatter herself.

Would she?

"Amethyst? Are you in here?"


End file.
